Sparring with women

I thought this deserved its own entry. BJJ has made me a bit nervous in one sense b/c I'd have to spar with women. I'm just maybe too old fashioned, but just thought that this would be too weird. Not only sparring, but training.

First, I went to this seminar just to see what it was like and this couple was there. He was a 50 year old blue belt, and she was a much younger 30 year old white belt. They were both in No-Gi wear and asked me to join them. I said OK. They were really gracious and kind. The husband wanted to show his wife how to do it, and so asked me to demonstrate on her. She saw me kind of act apprehensively while her husband was away, and I said this was my first time doing any form of grappling with a female. She said come on, it's no big deal I'll be your first. She was basically in tights, and since they had no issue with it I was OK with it. We were just going through moves, so perhaps that was why I felt so comfortable and they were both really kind as a couple so that made things easier. So that was my first time. 

The second time I was with a woman, during one of my week trial sessions at the same gym I was paired up with a blue belt. She was about 5'9 to my 6ft, and maybe weighed 140-150lbs to my 210lbs. She was definitely a skilled blue belt. I told her I wasn't sure what I was doing really, so please submit me and then tell me what I did wrong. She said sure. Well, we started on our knees just grabbing our gi's sleeve and it turns out size/strength does matter. I was able to pull her to the ground easily and establish side mount, and basically was able to put most of my weight on her chest. Of course, this is NOT what your'e supposed to do as a heavier man. I just kind of reacted and now I feel bad, but I just kind of reacted this way. I could feel her working her way into positioning, but as a former wrestler I was able kind of pin her down and try and go for some kind of choke hold (we learned a collar choke in class so I tried that), but she tapped before I could even try. She said she didn't like the feeling of it, not in a bad way but more that she thought I was in an awkward position b/c of my weight/size. I might have been close to an illegal neck crank, I'm not sure since I'm totally clueless. 

We went at it again, but this time I decided I was much bigger and stronger so I held back. Once I did that, she swept me so easily even though I had top mount, and was trying to pull my arm to submit me and maybe would have submitted me if there was more time. I was still strong enough to resist, but eventually I'm sure her technique would have won if she was on top. She was skilled. I asked her how long she's been doing BJJ, and she said almost 3 years. I thanked her profusely and learned so much just from that session. 

I thought it would be weird to grapple with a woman, but I guess once you get into it you're worried about getting choked and not whether your body parts are touching. (Even though your body parts are touching, especially in the position I was in.) Plus there's a lot of sweat and you do have a gi. I feel like sometimes the women are more technical vs. the alpha males who rely on strength so they probably make better training partners, but in terms of sparring maybe I'm too heavy. I'm sure if she was a purple belt or brown belt she would have submitted me, but again it seems like size and strength do matter all else being equal. If I ever do roll with a woman again in the future, I will be sure to go just hard enough and not put all my weight on her since I'll be much heavier. Unless she asks me to of course. If you have any thoughts on this please feel free to reply in the comments. I want to be respectful and as a former wrestler, I'm just not really sure how to do that. We'll see once I start my first official class soon.

**Edit: Question for any of the ladies. Do you find the men take it easy on you when you spar? Does this help you? I notice, at least in my gym, that the few women that are there never go that hard with men. So they don't get the full sparring that most men do, a lot of men go really hard. So the only way the women seem to get really full sparring is if they are with another woman who is their level, or if they enter a tournament. I can see why tournaments are more important for women in one sense vs men, mostly b/c there are not a lot of women to get good sparring practice. For the men in my gym, it's very common to spar someone from 150 to 250 lbs all varying in terms of belts. (Generally the blue/purples have good sparring matches, then the purple/browns, and I've never seen the black belts actually spar. There are some really good 4 stripe white belts who can keep up with the blues and even some purples.) Any thoughts on this if you are a woman? Do you feel you are getting full sparring reps with the men in your gym or are they going more relaxed? Is it better for you to practice with women vs. men? Just curious. Thank you!

Much respect to ALL men and women of any age/size who does BJJ, it's tough for sure.