Sparring with women

I thought this deserved its own entry. BJJ has made me a bit nervous in one sense b/c I'd have to spar with women. I'm just maybe too old fashioned, but just thought that this would be too weird. Not only sparring, but training.

First, I went to this seminar just to see what it was like and this couple was there. He was a 50 year old blue belt, and she was a much younger 30 year old white belt. They were both in No-Gi wear and asked me to join them. I said OK. They were really gracious and kind. The husband wanted to show his wife how to do it, and so asked me to demonstrate on her. She saw me kind of act apprehensively while her husband was away, and I said this was my first time doing any form of grappling with a female. She said come on, it's no big deal I'll be your first. She was basically in tights, and since they had no issue with it I was OK with it. We were just going through moves, so perhaps that was why I felt so comfortable and they were both really kind as a couple so that made things easier. So that was my first time. 

The second time I was with a woman, during one of my week trial sessions at the same gym I was paired up with a blue belt. She was about 5'9 to my 6ft, and maybe weighed 140-150lbs to my 210lbs. She was definitely a skilled blue belt. I told her I wasn't sure what I was doing really, so please submit me and then tell me what I did wrong. She said sure. Well, we started on our knees just grabbing our gi's sleeve and it turns out size/strength does matter. I was able to pull her to the ground easily and establish side mount, and basically was able to put most of my weight on her chest. Of course, this is NOT what your'e supposed to do as a heavier man. I just kind of reacted and now I feel bad, but I just kind of reacted this way. I could feel her working her way into positioning, but as a former wrestler I was able kind of pin her down and try and go for some kind of choke hold (we learned a collar choke in class so I tried that), but she tapped before I could even try. She said she didn't like the feeling of it, not in a bad way but more that she thought I was in an awkward position b/c of my weight/size. I might have been close to an illegal neck crank, I'm not sure since I'm totally clueless. 

We went at it again, but this time I decided I was much bigger and stronger so I held back. Once I did that, she swept me so easily even though I had top mount, and was trying to pull my arm to submit me and maybe would have submitted me if there was more time. I was still strong enough to resist, but eventually I'm sure her technique would have won if she was on top. She was skilled. I asked her how long she's been doing BJJ, and she said almost 3 years. I thanked her profusely and learned so much just from that session. 

I thought it would be weird to grapple with a woman, but I guess once you get into it you're worried about getting choked and not whether your body parts are touching. (Even though your body parts are touching, especially in the position I was in.) Plus there's a lot of sweat and you do have a gi. I feel like sometimes the women are more technical vs. the alpha males who rely on strength so they probably make better training partners, but in terms of sparring maybe I'm too heavy. I'm sure if she was a purple belt or brown belt she would have submitted me, but again it seems like size and strength do matter all else being equal. If I ever do roll with a woman again in the future, I will be sure to go just hard enough and not put all my weight on her since I'll be much heavier. Unless she asks me to of course. If you have any thoughts on this please feel free to reply in the comments. I want to be respectful and as a former wrestler, I'm just not really sure how to do that. We'll see once I start my first official class soon.

**Edit: Question for any of the ladies. Do you find the men take it easy on you when you spar? Does this help you? I notice, at least in my gym, that the few women that are there never go that hard with men. So they don't get the full sparring that most men do, a lot of men go really hard. So the only way the women seem to get really full sparring is if they are with another woman who is their level, or if they enter a tournament. I can see why tournaments are more important for women in one sense vs men, mostly b/c there are not a lot of women to get good sparring practice. For the men in my gym, it's very common to spar someone from 150 to 250 lbs all varying in terms of belts. (Generally the blue/purples have good sparring matches, then the purple/browns, and I've never seen the black belts actually spar. There are some really good 4 stripe white belts who can keep up with the blues and even some purples.) Any thoughts on this if you are a woman? Do you feel you are getting full sparring reps with the men in your gym or are they going more relaxed? Is it better for you to practice with women vs. men? Just curious. Thank you!

Much respect to ALL men and women of any age/size who does BJJ, it's tough for sure. 

Trying it out

I've gone to about 10 trial sessions of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ). This was mostly free trials at 4 different gyms, so I can't say that I really learned a whole lot since each gym was different. It would have been much better to have gone 10 days at one gym, but I did get to spend 4 sessions at one gym. I did get a sense of what it would be like, and it definitely is not boxing. The biggest difference between a sport like boxing and a sport like BJJ, even though both are combative sports, is that one can train alone in boxing but in BJJ you must have a partner. There are other obvious differences, but this is the one that sticks out the most in my mind.

Just a few general thoughts since I don't remember too many of the technical details:

• There is a lot to learn! The learning curve is so much higher than boxing. Even the athletic people who are naturals, still have a lot to learn since grappling and the thousands of moves in BJJ are out of the ordinary. Perhaps this is why it often takes 12-14 years of dedicated work to get a black belt. 
• It's hard to drill the same move over and over unless you have a partner who is willing to work with you for long periods of time. For the new person, each drill is new and I had maybe time to try it 3-4 times when I probably needed to try it at least 10-20 times to get a feel for it. 
• Sparring is fun! It's fun to spar when you can't/don't get hit in the face. Of course this makes you do odd things, like in BJJ you want to keep your elbows in and your arms in even when you're in the bottom position. This is so your opponent wouldn't be able to put an arm bar on you or something, but of course in a self defense situation someone may just punch you in the face if they're on top of you. So I'm not thinking of this as self defense, just as a sport for me to learn and get exercise. 

Sparring (at multiple gyms)

• The first guy I sparred in one of the gyms was about 5'9, maybe 280lbs of fat and muscle. He was a white belt but was pretty skilled. He got me in this arm bar and his entire weight pulled on my arm easily, I should have tapped earlier. We were practicing avoiding punches, and the moment I threw a punch the instructor (a champion BJJ black belt who still competes) asked me if I was a boxer? I said yes. He said he could tell right away. I guess that's good. Anyways, this big fella was definitely not easy to move around. Size definitely matters in sparring in most any combat sport, and BJJ is no exception. 
• The next guy I sparred was about 6'1 180, he was a pretty skilled blue belt. He worked with me on a few things, but I did have some size on him so some of the things he tried he had a harder time doing. I was able to get top position somehow, I guess back from my wrestling days more than 25 years ago, and after our sparring match he asked if I was a wrestler? I said yes, how could you tell. He said he could tell by my movements and b/c I tried to get top position. 
• I sparred another guy, about 6 ft 210 lbs almost my exact size. We went at it pretty hard, and he threw me down and got me in some good positions. I had to tap out several times, but on the very last time he tried to get me on a takedown, and I sprawled and pulled him down and was able to spin and get back control. I had my arm in for a rear naked choke but time was up. He also asked me if I was a wrestler, and said he could tell by my sprawling and body positioning. Both this fella and the other fella said wrestling actually is a big help, but I have to unlearn some habits. I didn't realize I had habits since I hadn't wrestled in 25 years but I guess there's still some muscle memory. 

In the next week or so I'm going to visit a BJJ gym and see if I can sign up for their course. This particular gym does not allow sparring until you're a 3 stripe white belt (Gracie Barra), which means I won't be able to spar for at least 3-4 months. That's too bad since I enjoy sparring.